Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
