I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
