You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
