I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
