He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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