Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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