So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
