The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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