new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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