i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
