just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
