I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
