I hate all girls vehemently.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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