she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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