watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
