haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Drunk is not a location!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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