Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
