I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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