Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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