If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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