how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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