Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
