i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
