I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
