No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
