Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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