My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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