i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
