We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
