i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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