tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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