Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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