anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
