His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
