I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
