I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
