We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You are a genius and a whore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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