Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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