3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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