My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
