I think i peed on brittanys purse
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
