Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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