I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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