So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
