You're my little dorito
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
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My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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