But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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