May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
