then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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