Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
