she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
