Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
