Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
