People with herpes should wear stickers.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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