I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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