I wish my penis had an off switch
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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