I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
