??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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