I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
