Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
