Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
