Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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