Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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