Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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